Arcadian Argonauts

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Excerpts taken from Facebook status updates of username: “LAMF”:

5/12/13:
I met these other changeling people at this bar I usually pick up at. Looks like the head guy is a old ass motherfucka man named Reggie. People seem to not really trust his ass, don’t really like him myself. Since I got here though I never really trust anyone. Feels like something is gnawing on my brain man… like I just wanna kill something. Or fuck something. It’s hard to tell which sometimes… lust is lust and I got it bad. Anyway we done some shit together, nothing interestin. There’s a skinny army bitch who I’d fuck, some noodly scardey-ass bitch who looks too hard to catch, a kid, some suit who looks like he needs an axe in the face and a bunch of other court people who I don’t give a shit about. Whateva, see where it goes…

7/29/13:
WHY IN THE FUCK DO I HANG OUT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKERS? This bitch that we just HANDED OVER to the Fall court bitches just GREW FUCKING TREES out his ass! We was on this bus, then trees and shit just flipped the motherfucker over like a tornado flips a trailer1!! Fcukin guy turns INTO LEAVES, the little girl grabs the leaves, and MOTHERFUCKER SHOWS UP BLEEDIN LIKE A STUCK PIG! I don’t know what the fuck is happenin any more, I’m loosin’ my shit here. Motherfuckin Hedge goblins, little fuckers are annoying and I wanna axe them but I can’t because the fucking COURTS always ridin my ass. I know I teamed up with the winter bitches because I don’t wanna get thrown back into the pit! But they don’t do SHIT around here! I JUST WANNA AXE SOME FACE AND FUCK SOME ASS BUT I CAN’T!!! Shit is FRUSTRATING nigga!

9/1/13:
So the big one is wearing a dress now, suits the big sideburns-ass queer. The homeless guy is trying to get with the rich bitch… Good luck mothafucka, she wants the BIG BAD LAMF DICK! She just don’t know it yet!!!1 And we is supposed to impress all these little court people from asialand apparently, not really sure why. Don’t really give a fuck, just can’t wait to bury Ingvar into another face. He likes blood, he misses and so do I. I’ll BBL, gotta find some asshole to relieve some tension in. LAMF OUT!!!

9/8/13:
What up in this mothafuck??? Japo-chineese-whatever-east I don’t know people are dumb as HELL! I ask this slanty-eyed bitch to polish off mister Wang and they look at me like I’m RACIST?! I mean I am racist, but that shit ain’t racist, just trying to get my sucky-sucky ya know what I’m sayin? I look like an aboriginal ROANLD MCDONALD IN THIS MOTHERCUKER! I was trying to get PANDA SUIT to BLEND IN with these people! Anyway I hate this fuckin place, every time I whip out my axes people look at me like I’M the asshole! BITCH JUST MAKE THE FUCKIN SALMON ROLL!!@!

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